February 23, 2012

Fine. Here’s a Sneak Peek at my Bedroom. Pervs.

by Katie

It feels a little intimate, this whole sharing of the bedroom.

I mean… when it looked like this, is was no big deal.

It was just a room. An uninteresting, plain yogurt, asexual cube of space.

But now?

It’s like she’s hiked her skirt up a little bit, and now I’m not sure how I feel about you looking at her.

Because you might judge her.

And you might not be into the kinds of things I’m into.

Like the charcoal gray walls or the S&M sex toy we’ve hung from the ceiling.

Oh, wait. That’s just my armillary antiqued silver chandelier.

You know, inspired by those awesome looking armillary spheres that depict the earth as the center of a cosmic system with various rings representing the circles of all of those floaty things up in the sky.

It’s kind of like this one from OurBoatHouse.com:

Except mine didn’t cost $1,080.

It’s this one, from Bellacor.com:

Solaris Olde Silver 3-light Chandelier by Chrystorama.

Except I didn’t spend $218, either.

I happened to luck upon finding an open item on their website, meaning someone else bought this beauty and returned it.

I can’t imagine why.

So, with Bellacor’s guarantee that the product had all of the pieces and was in brand new condition, I bit the non-returnable bullet and purchased this baby for $109.

Is it still more than I’d like to admit spending?

Definitely.

But I think I might be in love. And the pattern it splays across the ceiling when it’s turned on is phenomenal.

You’ll just have to wait to see that, though.

A girl can’t reveal all of her secrets in a single day.

So this is where my bedroom makeover is so far: Painted trim, painted ceiling, painted walls, and new light.

I warned you before, and I’ll say it again — the room might not be everyone’s cup o’ tea, but it’s my cup o’ Tanqueray and tonic with a squeeze of lime.

So far it’s sexy and sultry with a splash of celestial.

Oh, and Justin likes it too.

February 21, 2012

And This Is Why You Should Never Do Anything Nice For Anyone Ever.

by Katie

This weekend, I broke my boss’s television.

Yep.

Welcome to my world.

I know these things don’t just happen to me, right?  You told me these things don’t just happen to me, like the time I flashed my co-worker, boss, and pretty much the entire city my skivvies in broad daylight.  (Because, you know, any other time of day would be perfectly acceptable.)

It was one of those moments when, clear as crystal, I had an epiphany – we really should lie the television down while we move it, I thought, rather than balancing it up on its stand.

Of course, as is common in these types of scenarios, I was having that epiphany as I pressed the accelerator when the light turned green.  In the forward momentum, the backwards-facing television decided that it would rather stay at the stop light, so it fell, face down, and landed on top of a file cabinet.

And I got that feeling.  You know that sickly feeling when you feel like life is playing a joke on you?  Like any second time is going to rewind itself to the moment before The Incident happened, and you’ll have time to change the way things went down?  Like this really can’t be happening, and we’ll just stop at the office to drop off the filing cabinet, and then there will be plenty of room to properly arrange the large, not-inexpensive flat screen television in such a way that basic physics won’t lead to its ultimate demise?

But wait.  That already happened.

And now I have to explain to my boss, when we show up at his new house to which we were helping him move his family’s worldly possessions from his old house, why, exactly, I broke one of the two things I was responsible for transporting.

After that thought crossed my mind, a more primal instinct took over.  I’m not exactly sure, but I think this is the conversation that took place in my car:

Me:  We could just keep driving.  We could just keep going and start over with nothing but this Tracker, a filing cabinet, and a broken, flat screen television to our names.

Justin:  That sounds great, except for the part where I get arrested for ditching the military.

Me:  We could just throw it out the back of the Tracker and tell him we got mugged when we were driving through a less-than-savory part of town.

Justin:  We didn’t drive through a less-than-savory part of town.  He’ll only believe that story if we tell him we got mugged by a McDonald’s employee or grass-fed prep school children.

Me:  It could happen.

Justin:  And the only thing they stole was the flat screen?

Me:  What else are they going to steal?  Mixed CD’s from 1998?  A pack of kleenex?  The copy of Jonathan Livingston Seagull I bought in a used bookstore in Canon Beach  in 2003 that’s been sitting in the pocket of my door ever since?

Justin:  Good point. But we’d have to file a police report to make it believable, and I refuse to get involved in that type of scandalous affair.

Me:  What, they didn’t teach you that in Catholic school?  That it’s okay to file false police reports on your wife’s behalf so she doesn’t have to tell her boss that she broke his expensive television?  That you BOTH broke his expensive television?  Don’t forget, Mister, you were in the car.  That makes you an accomplice.  And I’m your wife.  Catholics are totally into that idea of doing-whatever-the-spouse-wants-no-questions-asked, right?  I mean, it’s for the good of the marriage.  I could be carrying your CHILD.

Justin:  What?  You could?

Me:  No.  It was a hypothetical.

Justin:  

Me:  Let’s talk about something else.

In the end, my boss wasn’t mad.  Or at least he did a good job of hiding it.  I console myself by saying it was an older flat screen, and he said he’d been looking for an excuse to buy a new one anyway.

That, and the fact that I work for a bargain.  And he knows it.

And we’re the only people who showed up to help him move.

And we did it for free.

So hey.

You get what you pay for, right?

I’m pretty sure there’s a lesson to be learned here.  Something like… don’t do nice things for other people because it will likely bite you in the ass.

Or something like that.

I’m still working on that one.

February 20, 2012

My Kind of Breakfast

by Katie

I don’t have time to write anything this morning because I’m already terribly late for a work-related breakfast meeting on this holiday morning, and I’m honestly not sure what’s worse — that I’m late for work on a holiday morning, when many other people are still tucked warmly in their beds or sitting comfortably at their own kitchen tables with a cup o’ java and their morning readery, or that I’m actually semi-excited for my greasy diner sausage cheese biscuit, crappy coffee, and glass of orange juice.

Hey. We do this diner work thing every month, and one gets accustomed to certain delicacies.

Anyway, in lieu of an actual post this morning, I’m leaving you with this:

mojito

A photo of the best mojito I’ve ever had in my entire life (Thanksgiving-ish, 2011, Miami, FL),

and this:

Me and my apparently giant hands, just trying to enjoy said mojito without the paparazzi getting all up in my bidness.

You know, because I’m famous like that.

February 16, 2012

I’m So Cool — Too Bad I’m A Loser.

by Katie

A couple of days ago, I found myself slipping. Bemoaning the lot in our military life that’s landed us in the same place for so long.  I was doing something meaningless — dropping flyers and a lockbox off at a new listing, driving through the usual drudgery of pawn shops and Asian markets and the suffocating stench of fried food and giant southern truck exhaust.  I was headed west, and I knew that if I kept going, I would eventually race along the south side of the military training lands, where they shoot stuff and drop stuff and fall from the sky like little turds from a bird only they never land on anyone’s head.

Unless, of course, they plan it that way.

But I didn’t keep going, because I had things to do.  A right turn to make, into a tiny pocket of suburbia tucked just off of the main road and into a deluded fog of quiet seclusion and community togetherness.  I tapped my brakes, and that’s when I saw it.  Due west, straight ahead, the biggest bird in my sky at that moment — probably a C-17 with a 170 foot wingspan and 4 bulky engines carrying its unlikely hulk above the tree line over the rise ahead.  And then they started dropping, the turds from the bird, only way, way cooler.  They seemed random and graceful the way they fell, one after another after another, then pop pop pop went their parachutes almost immediately, seeming precariously close to one another and then falling, falling and from this distance looking like so many tiny Mary Poppins silhouettes gliding down across the setting sun and over the London skyline comprised, in this case, of the tallest Longleaf Pines.

I can’t find a credit for this photo. If it’s yours, please let me know.

It was stunning.

And, no matter how many times I witness this surprise display of Paratrooping prowess, it will never get old.  Never.

It will never not be cool to me.

Which is comforting, because in this life, it’s so easy for things to fall off of our radars, whether because someone tells us it’s no longer cool to like these things, or we outgrow them ourselves.  And sometimes it feels like this race — like we drop one trend, clear the overalls and jean skirts from our wardrobes, and just a short 10 years later, we’re filling it up again.  Denim, denim everywhere!

Doesn’t it get tiring?  This constant struggle to look the right way, say the right thing, be the right person?

I mean, really.  If we all loved the same things, there would never be anything new to discover.  And stores would constantly be sold out of yoga pants.  And we wouldn’t procreate because Scott Bairstow is taken.

And I realized that day that to me, no matter what anyone else tries to say, these things will never stop being cool:

The Toadies.

Absolut Vodka ads.

Harry Potter books.

Bangs.

Geography.

Billy Joel.

(Every voice heard in this song is his.  The only instrumental accompaniment is a bass guitar.  Tell me that’s not awesome.)

The Tracker.

So.  What’s your list?

*Thanks once again to the Barenaked Ladies for providing the post title. I couldn’t do it without you.

February 14, 2012

Happy Frickin’ Valentine’s Day to You, Too.

by Katie

In light of the fact that Justin and I celebrated Valentine’s Day together for the first time 3 years into our relationship and bought each other a marriage “game over” t-shirt and the complete box set of Carmen Electra’s Strip Aerobics (can you guess who received which gift?), you would think I’d be over this V-day thing entirely and that this year we’d kick back on the couch, trough some sloppy joes, and practice opening beer bottles with our butt cracks.

However, I’ll have you know, romance isn’t entirely dead to me on this day.

In fact, this year we’re doing something super romantic.

That’s right.

We’re working on our master bedroom.

Well.

Technically we worked on it over the weekend and I will be painting the walls on my day off tomorrow, so really tonight we might hang the light or something, then sit on the floor admiring our handiwork while eating sloppy joes — the homemade kind, not the crap from a can.  Because we’re crazy like that.  And to me, nothing says love like ground beef on a bun.

Anyway, we are making progress.  Justin primed and painted the ceiling, and I cleaned and painted all of the baseboards, door and window trim.

*NOTE: If you’re going to take on a room painting project and the trim needs to be painted as well, start with the trim FIRST.  Just trust me on this.

FYI, cleaning a room after popcorn removal and ceiling sanding is not an easy task.  It requires a shop vac, a regular vac, patience, and some elbow grease.  Guess which one of these 4 I don’t have.

While Justin was at work last week, I got started on the grungy baseboards.

You can see how bad they were, even post-scrubbing.

Ignore the “special” trim brush I’m using and my creepy red hand.  My hand isn’t really that red.

I hated that paint brush.  When I did the rest of the trim over the weekend, I found it much more effective to use my usual Wooster shortcut brush.

That big flat spatula tool that Justin had used to scrape the ceiling worked wonderfully to hold down the carpet while I painted the baseboards.

I was meticulous about not getting paint on the carpet.  That is, until I got paint on the carpet.

Lots of it.

This is after instinctively glopping (because that’s a word) the bulk of it up with some paper towels.

See, I was wedged between the wall and the dresser, and in my haste to get out from the confined space, I spilled the paint.  And while we’re going to replace the carpet eventually, I’d rather not have a huge paint splotch constantly reminding me of my inadequacies until that day arrives.

So, after hastily consulting Facebook on my phone, I went to work dumping water onto the spill and soaking it up with a towel before reading the responses.

Turns out this was a wise move, since my oh-so-helpful Facebook plea responses included: gum, bleach, peanut butter, scissors, an ice cube, carpet colored paint, a rug, and urine.

Thanks, guys.

Really, though — this is why I love my friends.  They make me laugh when I kind of want to cry.  And there were definitely some useful tips too, like water, a carpet shampooer, and this stuff.

Fortunately though, the water/towel method ended up working just fine since I didn’t let the paint dry, and there was no need to pull out the ol’ shampooer or overnight myself some latex paint remover.

Whew.

Remember how I told you that every DIY project takes much longer than you would expect?

Well.

I’m starting to think it’s just me.

So.  Are you doing anything special for V-day like hanging a ceiling light or watching paint dry?

It’s not that I have a problem with Valentine’s Day — it’s just that I’m not really into the typical accoutrements (hearts, candy, flowers, hearts, sappy cards, and hearts) that come with it.  Now.  If Justin were to bring home… say… 2 airline tickets to the Galapagos Islands, we’d be in business.

I’m a simple girl, really.

I know.  He’s totally got it made.

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