The title of this post has nothing to do with the post itself, but I’m bad at titles so we’re just going to go with this.  Fifty points to the first person who names that movie.  (I’m not sure what the points are good for, but I’ll work that out eventually.  We’re all in this together.)

Today I’m going to tell you something, but first I want you to promise not to give me that look when I say it.

You know which look I’m talking about.  That look.  The look that effortlessly rolls from surprise to horror to pity in approximately .8 second.

I see that look every time I tell somebody this something.  And even though I can’t see you through the internet (wouldn’t that be creepy), I’m absolutely certain that I would be able to feel that look as all 9 of you read my words and simultaneously send it through your screens and across the wires and through my fingers and straight into my soul.

It’s that powerful.

And in return, I promise you that this something I’m going to share really doesn’t warrant the look.  It doesn’t.  It’s not that bad, and it certainly doesn’t deserve your pity, for crying out loud.

So here it is.

Ready?

I NEVER WENT TO PROM.

There.  I said it.

Did that make you feel icky?

It seems to make people feel icky.  Like they don’t know how to react.  Like I just told them I have 3 nipples.  Which I DON’T.

(But if I did, maybe I would’ve had a better shot at going to prom, eh?)

Okay, maybe not.

Now don’t get me wrong – I don’t go around just spouting out this tasty tidbit to anyone willing to listen.  I’m only telling you now because I want you to know me, and in order for that to happen, we need to just put everything out on the table.

My divulgence of this information usually follows one of those let’s-reminisce-about-high-school conversations, which inevitably leads to talk of school dances and eventually the ultimate school dance experience, which just so happens to be p-r-o-m.  And the person with whom I’m having the high school reminiscing conversation will tell me about how he rented an orange tux with tails and a top hat ala Dumb and Dumber or how she almost lost her virginity in the limo on the way to the post prom party and oh-boy-I-will-never-drink-Jäger-again-because-you-wouldn’t-believe-the-things-it-made-me-do and all of this sucks because just when the stories are getting good, they look at me all expectantly because they know that I, of all people, must have some crazy story to tell and of course I have to ruin it all by saying, “I never went to prom.”

And then I get the look.

And of course, the look is quickly followed by an exasperated, “Why?!”

Well, because I wasn’t asked.  And I didn’t really see the need to go out and buy a gown and have my hair done just so my mom could take pictures of me with some friends in front of the fireplace and then drive the Bonneville to a dance where I’d sip peppermint schnapps from a flask and watch people grope each other under the seductive vocal influence of K-Ci & JoJo.

It just wasn’t in the cards.

If it makes you feel any better, I did go to homecoming all 4 years (twice with a date and twice without), and I managed to have a decent time – even senior year when my date (who didn’t even go to my school) had to have his jaw wired shut the day before due to a flag football playing injury.  Flag football.  So we had to write notes back and forth on a cocktail napkin all night and I was the girl with the hot-but-oddly-quiet date who really didn’t have much to say, but by God was he nice to look at.

And I will say this, even though it might make some of you uncomfortable:  I don’t regret not going.  I don’t!  I’m hoping this life will bring me plenty of other amazing experiences (and it has so far), so I don’t need to dwell on the fact that I didn’t complete an apparent high school rite of passage.

I still got the diploma, didn’t I?

And I honestly don’t think it’s affected my overall success as an adult.

That said, I’ve decided I need to find a part-time job this coming week because I’m getting a little stir-crazy and I’m tired of not making any money and Libras are social creatures, but I’m having a hard time deciding:

Should try to find something in retail, or should just suck it up and go back to waiting tables?