Some Revelations
This month will mark one year since I started this blog.
When that realization hit me last night, I decided it was time to do something I’d been putting off this entire time.
That’s right. I needed to define domestiphobia.
What does it mean, anyway?
The truth is, I’ve never really known, because I’ve never taken the time to define it myself. Until last night.
And honestly, I think its meaning to me has morphed and evolved a great deal over the past year. The word is fluid and subjective, and when you read it, it might mean something different to you than it does to me.
The following is my current perceived definition and subsequent explanation that I wrote on my newly revamped “About” page:
do.mes.ti.pho.bi.a
noun də-‘mes-ti-‘fō-bē-ə
: the exaggerated, inexplicable and/or irrational fear of domestic life
Example: Her fear of leading a stagnant, lethargic life devoid of personal growth and meaningful experiences could be described as a mild case of domestiphobia.
do.mes.tic
adj. də-‘mes-tik
1 : tame, domesticated <the domestic cat>
2 : of or relating to the household or the family<domestic chores>
3 : devoted to home duties or pleasures <leading a quietly domestic life>
My name is Katie, and I’m a domestiphobic.
I didn’t know it when I married my wonderful husband in 2006 at the ripe age of 23. But, for reasons I didn’t yet understand, I slowly began to feel a terrifying sense of suffocation as all of the “expected” pieces of a “normal,” domestic life began falling into place.
Stable office career? Check.
Fixer-upper in the ‘burbs? Check.
Couple of mutts? Check.
Kids? Now wait just one damn minute.
These were the things I was supposed to be doing, but did I really want them at all? My actions were leading my life into a revolving door of repeated days, weeks, years. The same morning traffic, the same weekly meals, the same company parties, the same family gatherings. Maybe it’s because traditions are one of the most painful castrations in a divorce-torn family like mine, but my newfound sense of repetition provided me no comfort.
In fact, it was quite the opposite.
In what can now only be described as a quarter-life crisis, I quit my job in 2010 to travel to Costa Rica with a dear friend (and temporary blogging cohort) for a couple of months. The experience only further spurred an itch I’ve been longing to scratch for a long, long time.
Now I realize some things. I have some wants that lethargy simply won’t feed: I want to be a better person. I want to be a better partner. I want to change, and grow, and experience new people and new cultures and new cuisine. I want to learn how to play the guitar and become fluent in at least one other language. I want to write and make people think. I want to inspire. I don’t ever want to leave without leaving something good behind.
I’m not afraid to say what I want. I’m not afraid to be selfish or make mistakes.
Because, it turns out, I can’t be who anyone else needs me to be until I embrace who I need me to be.
Today, I still live in the ‘burbs with my (astoundingly supportive) husband, the mutts, and zero babies. But now I’m trying to find that thing that feeds my wanderlust – both physical and emotional.
This blog is a journal of my domestic and non-domestic experiences – where I struggle to tie together the things I’m fortunate enough to have with the things I’m crazy enough to want – where you will find me learning to cook and working on home renovations when I’m not playing with ‘gators in the Everglades or jumping out of planes in Hawaii.
Welcome to my world.
Comments
Great post.
Thanks, Matty!
And yet, you post these photos of your gourmet cooking. How domestic is that??? :-p
That’s why I said I’m trying to combine the two worlds I’ve created for myself – where “I struggle to tie together the things I’m fortunate enough to have with the things I’m crazy enough to want…”
And I’m definitely a cook-in-training. I didn’t start until I got married. The pics look good because I have an awesome camera. If you want to see some awesome food (from people who know what they’re talking about), check out commenter Matty’s blog ore one by another friend of mine, called Law and Food.
Ha, I’m a total foodie, but I hate watching cookie shows or reading food blogs.
Because I only get sad that I can’t eat said food. :-(
You can eat it if you make it. ;) And those blogs I mentioned talk about restaurants where you can eat as well. So you might not get your immediate gratification, but sometimes the stuff you have to wait for is even better.
sometimes nothing will make the wanderlust leave, but you sound like your curbing the need to roam :)
Ooh way to call me out! :) I don’t know if I’m “curbing” so much as I’m trying to control it – allowing myself small doses at a time. One trip here, another trip there… I’m trying to see if I can find that balance and be equally happy in both of my worlds. There are certain things I really like about “domestic” life (more on that later), and I know I’d miss if I were a perma-wanderer. We’ll see how this goes… :)
Domestiphobia is still probably my favorite word. My mother and grandparents have been asking me what I’m planning on doing as soon as I graduate in a couple months. My grandparents think I need to start saving money right away– get a full-time 9-5 job, but I can’t picture such a thing. I’ve been looking into your WWOOFing idea and now I’m toying the idea of purchasing a new kick-ass Canon SLR camera and heading somewhere decently photogenic for as long as they’ll allow me to stay. Maybe help a farm in Tuscany Italy on their vineyard, or a coffee plantation out of Rio de Janeiro Brazil, and practice some photography on my down time. I definitely hear you on “struggling to tie the things I’m fortunate enough to have with the things I’m crazy enough to want”! Great post.
I love everything you said, Nate! Except for the Canon thing – I think you should go Nikon. But I might be biased. ;) Working on a vineyard in Tuscany? A coffee plantation in Rio? Why not both? I don’t know what your financial situation is (whether you have student loans and such), but if you’re debt-free or can get loans deferred, I say GO for it.
Your mom and grandparents would probably hate me for telling you that, but here’s the thing. If you have this drive now, it’s not likely going to go away. You might get a great job, marry a wonderful woman, even father a couple of kids… But some way, some how, the decision to not satiate this feeling while you can will send regrets flying your way like poking a stick through the spokes of your bicycle tire. It might make you fall.
Is it dangerous? Possibly. Will your family worry? Of course. But we never know what life has planned for us. That’s no excuse to not try and live it. I think you know that. :)
Ahhhh and so the oh-so-famed battle between Nikon and Canon continues! I love my Canon now and I love their brand name, but in all seriously why do you recommend Nikon instead? A few people have now said this to me, but anyone I’ve ever known owns a Canon.
I hear you for sure. There aren’t any good jobs out there right now anyways, and certainly not any that allow me to be outside all the time (which is a must). I work for AT&T to put me through school and while it is a pretty good part-time job I despise the feeling of being chained to a desk while the sun is shining outside. I’m fortunate enough to graduate without student loans, so I’ll just have to save enough to pay for airfare and have some spending money for wherever I go, but I am definitely going to continue to look into this.
Thanks for the advice on the long-term effect of my decision! Right now I should probably focus on my trip to Iceland in a couple weeks though anyways ;P (which also has my family thinking I’m nuts haha, but maybe one day they’ll understand what my lure for travel is all about)
Hahaha I only ended up with a Nikon DSLR after my Canon point and shoot because, after holding the Nikon and it’s near Canon equivalent in my hands, I liked the way the Nikon felt better. Super scientific. :) When you do the research on all the nuts and bolts, what you end up with are some awesome specs on some really competitive and impressive cameras. You won’t be sorry either way. (Oh, and if more of your friends have Canon lenses that they might be willing to let you “borrow,” then take that into account!)
And obviously everyone’s different – I can only give advice based on my own experiences. But you seem driven enough to not be happy if you don’t start experiencing the world as soon as possible. I can’t wait to follow your Iceland trip on your blog! Your family might not ever really understand, but they will probably learn to appreciate the experiences you create for yourself. :)
Really great and honest post Katie! I just realized that I totally need to go through your blog and read all your past entries -esp. the Costa Rica ones. I hear you about the wanderlust though. I’ve been here 4 months now and I’m going CRAZY. I’m freaking out because I’m forming routines and habits and buying possessions. The crazy travel urge is back. Wanna run away together? Ha ha…
On a more serious note (actually, it’s not so serious at all), I tagged you over at my blog. So… you’re it!
Thank you!! I don’t think you’ll want to read all of my blog posts – there’s a ton of random crap in there. :) Lucky for you, I tried to organize it somewhat… If you click on the “Costa Rica Adventure” picture on my right sidebar, then scroll down that page a bit, you’ll come to the CR stuff. (Of course, that skips my slow breakdown that lead up to the trip, and all the emotional somersaults I’ve been doing after, but the trip stuff is all there.)
And don’t tempt me to run away! When I get in certain moods, I might just take you up on it. I can be a little impulsive, from time to time. :) On a side-note, have you looked into options of possibly going back to Sweden? It sounds (more and more) like that’s where your heart wants you to be…
Thanks for the tag! I’ve never gotten one of those before!
very nice post you seem to do very well at expressing your feelings your writing style is always a pleasure to read. Your lucky to have met your “one” so young gives you so much more time to enjoy it . Not all of us are that lucky. Some of us still live in singlesville.
Thanks, Eugene. :) Meeting someone so young has its challenges too – one’s I’d probably share (even more) if this blog was anonymous. But when peoples’ feelings are involved, some things are best left private. That said, I know I’m incredibly lucky. Not many people have the kind of support that I have to pursue my dreams, ya know? And don’t worry – I’m sure you won’t be single forever. :)
This was an awesome post – so honest. I totally relate with you. It’s hard when you start falling into a seemlingly perfect life… but it doesn’t feel perfect. It’s hard to figure out what’s right, especially when what you have is so great (and your husband sounds amazing). I personally like your blog because I never know what you are going to write about – it’s always a surprise :) Keep it up!
Thank you, Catherine. :) As I’m sure you know, it’s really hard to be fully honest on a blog sometimes. But I figure if it helps someone else define what he/she might be feeling, then at least some good can come of it.
[…] online friend Dennis, creator of Musings on Life and Love, called me out on something in my “Defining Domestiphobia” post the other day. He basically pointed out that I sure do a lot of cooking (and home […]