***WARNING***  You probably shouldn’t read this post if you just ate.  Or are currently eating.  Or ever plan on eating again.  Thank you.

I’ve been hesitant to write this post this morning, not solely due to the grotesque nature of the topic, but because I have a rather large commitment happening tomorrow — nothing big, mind you — just a baby celebration I’m throwing for one of my best friends in the world and 30-40 of her closest friends — and I don’t want today’s subject to freak my friend — or the dear girls who are helping me organize the party — out.

So let me preface this by saying, I.  Will.  Be.  There.

My whole predicament started about a week ago when my dear neighbor (and she is a dear, dear neighbor) invited us over for dinner.  Fantastic!  Except when we arrived, she sounded terrible, and kept insisting the problem was her allergies.

Turns out, it wasn’t.

And apparently she must have licked all of my food, because I’m pretty sure I’m currently suffering from a wee bit of a cold.  I thought it might just be a false alarm and all I needed was a good night’s sleep last night, but that wasn’t in the cards because Capone decided he was going to be sick as well, and let’s just say that the nastiness coming out of his orifices was far worse than anything currently coming out of mine.

Ahem.

The bad news is it feels like an elephant is sitting on my chest.  The good news is I have a couple of cold remedies up my sleeve that, while I might be fairly drained during my prep work today, should hopefully fend this thing off long enough to ensure that I am a fully functioning team member tomorrow.

It’s important to remember that I am not a doctor.  Not even close.  But these are the steps I take whenever I have a cold, and they never seem to last as long as they do with other people:

1)  I know it sounds obvious, but I wash my hands ad nauseam when I have a cold.  Every time I blow my nose.  Right before I touch any food.  Any time I touch… anything.  All.  The.  Time.  To the point where they’re chapped and dry and it makes no sense applying lotion because I’m just going to be washing them again in a few minutes anyway.  This is not only for my benefit, but also for the people around me.

2)  I sneeze or cough into my shoulder — not my hands.  Think about it.  How much stuff do you touch with your shoulder?

3)  Switch out my toothbrush.  Just think of how many germs that bugger must be carrying.

4)  Vitamin C.  I load it up, baby.  Like 3 pills a day.

5)  And finally, my absolute savior, a sinus rinse.  Like I said, I’m no doctor, but not only do these puppies drain all of the gunky nastiness from my cold-riddled head, I do believe it also rinses out tons of germies that would otherwise still be swimming around wreaking havoc in there.

It consists of a simple plastic squirt bottle and some saline packets.

I warm up my water a bit — Just a bit!  You don’t want to boil your nostrils.

Add the saline…

And then squirt it on up.

Obviously, if you’re going to try this, you’ll want to refer to the directions.

Now.  I’m not going to lie and tell you this is a pleasant feeling.  Far from it.  You know how it feels when you jump into a pool and get water up your nose?  Well, it’s like that.  Because… you know… you’re squirting water up your nose.  But just like the uncomfortable pinch from a shot or a good ol’ eyebrow waxing, it’s a necessary discomfort that’s for our own good.  And, I’ve discovered that adjusting the direction of the spray (within the confines of your nostril, that is) can make a difference in just how uncomfortable it feels.

Plus, it’s kinda cool when the water — and other gunk — comes out the other side.

Just sayin’.

Don’t worry, I’ll spare you that picture.

I rinsed once this morning, and already I’m breathing easier and the elephant who’s taken up residence on my chest feels as though he’s losing weight.  So.  Fear not.  I’m doing everything in my power to not be an infectious germ farm come Saturday.  I will. not. let. this. win.

*Contrary to how it may appear, this post is NOT a paid advertisement for NeilMed Sinus Rinse.  That just happens to be the brand I picked up from the Walgreens, but I couldn’t care less which brand you use.  NeilMed did not pay me for this post.  Though if they wanted to, I could care which brand you use.