I Love Beans. Just Not in My Coffee Cup.
I have a problem.
A very serious problem.
Just WHAT, pray tell, am I supposed to do with these?
Nowhere on the bag does it say coffee BEANS.
It should say, “These are NOT grounds. They are BEANS. So, if you do not have a coffee grinder, do NOT buy this bag.”
Amiright?
Now I somehow have to finish this post, get dressed, and drive my car before I can get a fix and actually wake up.
Which means that if you’re smart and live in the Fort Bragg, NC area, you should probably stay off of the roads until then.
Also, after I wrote that last sentence, I had to run down the street in my socks after the recycling truck because I forgot to put out the bin. Because I have no coffee. And even brisk morning sock running did not do coffee’s job for me.
So I’m sorry, dear readers, that the rest of the Cleveland chronicles will have to wait. If you have a problem with that, you can thank our friends at Archer Farms for not presenting with clear packaging. Because the truth is, I can barely write a coherent sentence, let alone an entire blog post. Coffee and I have a problem with co-dependency, you see. Or maybe it’s just my problem with dependency. But I’d like to think that the coffee needs me as much as I need it.
It helps with my self-esteem.
Any other habits out there that you almost NEED to start your day or get to sleep? Tell me I’m not the only one.
***UPDATE*** It has been pointed out to me by my friend Lacey that I am a colossal, blind idiot because the “Whole Bean” label is right there. In the photo. The photo I took and stared at, along with the bag itself, for a good 5 minutes making sure it did not say “Whole Bean”. It must have been my coffee-deprived state of mind that blinded me to this label. My apologies to the fine folks at Archer Farms. Though. I’m thinking maybe some people have a hard time seeing writing inside of circles. It could be a serious disorder, the likes of which I’ve only begun to uncover. Did the Archer Farms marketing people ever think of that? I didn’t think so.
Comments
what?? it says ‘whole beans’ right on the stripe. hahaha
ps, i hope you didn’t kick anyone’s behind.
pps, i feel for you. i really do.
I looked, and looked, and LOOKED, but still, through my desperation of not having my morning cup, did NOT see that. Even when you commented, I looked at the ribbon and was like, WTF is she talking about? It just says “Light Roast Coffee!”
Wow.
Going to get some now.
:)
I have to confess that I don’t feel quite right with myself if I haven’t looked at 3 horoscope apps on my phone. Not because they calm me about the future because it doesn’t seem to change my mind at all about what I do each day but because whatever they have to tell me, whatever mad waltz the stars and planets seem to be doing, they tell me in a nice positive way.
And I like people talking to me in positive tones. Especially since I can’t guarantee that I won’t run into negative thinkers throughout the day anyway.
And I cannot believe you didn’t see that on the ribbon because even I saw it. :-P Glasses maybe?
Ha! I refuse to download horoscope apps for that very same reason — that, and I KNOW I would let them affect how I run my day.
I think I didn’t see it because I didn’t want to see it. I didn’t want to admit I’d made such an obvious mistake. :)
Personally, I get really mad when I can’t find whole bean coffee and am forced to use the pre-ground stuff that other people deign to buy(note there is only one other adult in the house, but I’m not naming names,) because yes, I am a horrible coffee snob. So pack that in some dry ice and send it my way. ;-)
Hope your day goes better.
PS. to be fair, it does say whole bean, but it definitely doesn’t say “These are NOT grounds. They are BEANS. So, if you do not have a coffee grinder, do NOT buy this bag.“
See, the closest I’ve ever come to fresh ground is when I buy the whole beans at Fresh Market and grind them there. Otherwise, I’m SOL because Justin won’t let me buy another kitchen gadget. (Actually, that’s not true — but I have to space them out, and next on my list is a food processor.)
I’ve updated my post to reflect the fact that I’m a dumbass, but thanks for pointing it out again. ;) My day did get better — I got myself a fancy salted caramel mocha thingie and ended up with a caffeine AND sugar buzz that lasted most of the day. Well worth the $8 million and 5 bajillion calories.
well you can still put them to good use even without a coffee grinder … do you have a mortar and pestle :P I am sure when you first get out of bed in the morning you TOTALLY look forward to going for a run in your socks … and then spending an hour or couple.. manually grinding your own coffee….:P
Lol! Riiiiight. I’m TOTALLY going to do that. Thanks, Eugene. ;)
Use the beans to surround an orange candle in a big jar somewhere and call your Halloween decorating done. (said the person who has, probably more than once, bought beans instead of ground coffee.) I’m very much a morning person but if I had to listen to the sound of coffee beans grinding first thing every morning, I’d shoot myself and probably take others down with me.
Now THAT might be a decorating project I can handle! Although…. I don’t know… I’d still hate to “waste” decent coffee. I’m going to have to knock on my neighbors’ doors and find someone with a grinder. Can I just grind it all at once? (Laxsupermom, if you read this comment, IGNORE it! Grinding all at once is blasphemy!) :)
HA! Yeah, you’d probably need a cup of coffee before you could listen to the grinding of coffee beans, but you’d need to grind the coffee beans before you could have the cup of coffee, and now I’m making myself dizzy. ;)
Can
Not
Ignore
Such
Blasphemy
But now that you have your bullet solution, you can enjoy the magic of fresh ground every morning.
True, but it’s taking all my willpower to not grind it at once at be done with it. Who likes to wash a bullet every morning? :)
couldn’t you have substituted a glass of scotch?
I would have, but my boss gets weird when he smells alcohol on my breath in the morning. I’m not sure why, since I’m pretty sure it makes me more productive.
Could you not also tell by how the bag felt? There is that distinctive feel between grounds and whole beans.
Just sayin’ ;)
I’m surprised you don’t have a grinder, or something…Magic Bullet? Food Processor/Blender with a grind feature?
Or you chould chew the beans and spit them into a warm cup or water.
Ya know, I wasn’t standing in the coffee aisle at Target copping a cheap feel of the coffee bags — I grabbed it, tossed it in the cart, and proceeded to an even more important decision: the wines. If I’m going to stroke anything in a public aisle at Target, it’s a bottle of wine.
;)
And we DO have a bullet. I will be enlightening everyone shortly. :)
Coffee loves when you cop a little feel in public secretly. I have to do that in my Target’s because in Kansas they aren’t allowed to sell alcohol so I can’t lovingly caress the likes of wine in Target.
hahaha. I only laugh, because I could totally see myself doing this! Not being upset with buying beans, because I do that on purpose, but writing a gripe blog post with the ‘duh’ answer right in the photo. Really, I could. That’s why I love reading your blog. You’re so honest, real, and just such a… Person. The kind of passionate, hang-it-all-out-there, try-it-all person I wish I could be…especially if I would’ve done it at your age.
I swear though… I LOOKED! And LOOKED! I’m pretty sure it wasn’t there when I first took the photo. It’s the only logical explanation. ;)
(By the way, this is one of the sweetest comments ever. THANK you!) :)
LOL! I remember a couple of years ago, I decided I needed to get into coffee. Everyone else was doing it, after all. And I thought that flavored coffee was the way for me. I bought a coffee maker and some french vanilla coffee and was excited to start the journey the next morning. Only I made the same mistake. DAMN IT!!! I was so upset. So upset that I returned the coffee maker the next day along with the whole beans. I’m just not a coffee drinker. I prefer my Diet Coke – and the only possible mistake one can make there is get Caffeine Free Diet Coke, but luckily, I am not color blind so I never make that awful mistake. :)
Oh my, I can SO get you into coffee. Just give me a chance! Especially in the winter… A nice, hot cup of coffee to get you going in the morning, and a can of Coke in the afternoon to KEEP you going. I’ve achieved a certain standard level of perfection for my caffeine addiction, I think, and I’d like a chance to share it with the world.
And thank god you’re not color blind! God forbid you have to learn to read. Clearly that hasn’t worked out so well for me. ;)
Not a coffee drinker but everyone else here is, we started getting the beans because one of our activist friends was staying w/us and HAD to have it freshly ground, so he left us a small grinder as a gift, we now have a bigger one right inside our coffee maker. Not that I know how to use it, so our guests are out of luck if the coffee drinkers are not home. And you are not the only one to do this, we have done it both ways: buying beans w/ no grinder and buying ground when we had one…so the moral is, invite someone to stay at your house that is a coffee snob, let them gift you a grinder and hubby will have to graciously accept the new addition :)
GOOD plan! Know where I might find any generous coffee snobs of my own? Maybe I should put a sign in my window… “We will provide food and lodging for wayward activists in exchange for a free coffee grinder. A GOOD one.”
That’ll do it. ;) (We did find a solution, though — standby.) :)
[…] I Love Beans. Just Not in My Coffee Cup. […]
I got a coffee grinder as a gift for our wedding, eons ago. I have used it for coffee, but I, like you, enjoy the convenience of the pre ground stuff. However, I have found that my coffee grinder, combined with coarse sea salt & herbs makes some awesome flavored salts! A little lemon zest? Lemon salt! (awesome on fish), Fresh rosemary? Mint? Lime Zest- think margaritas…Yes. It rocks. In other news, you *can* find recipes for that wonderful salted caramel gold flecked latte from St. Arbucks online & use your magic bullet to make them at home- for pennies. :)
SUCH a good idea!! I might definitely have to try this.
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