Look. It’s Not Like I Wore It Playing Football or Cut It Up and Turned It Into Curtains. But That Would’ve Been Okay, Too.
I must apologize to the guys out there for a minute, because I’m going to talk about something a little girly.
Nope. A lot girly.
See, Stephanie over at My One Precious Life got me thinking about wedding dresses. Obviously not about buying wedding dresses since I’m already married, but about selling them. (Not for a living. Trust me, I have not done all of this soul-searching for the past 2 years only to discover that my one true calling is to sell wedding gowns to blushing brides and their overextended pocket books. Blech.
No offense to anyone who sells wedding gowns.)
She, like me, decided to sell her dress post-wedding. I mean, why not? This way you make a little cash, and some other lucky girl scores a gown at a bargain basement price.
Seems like a win-win situation, if you ask me. If you ask anyone else, however, you might run into some contention.
What? You SOLD your wedding dress?? But it’s your WEDDING dress! You know, the one you wore to your WEDDING!
Yep. I know the one.
Bu-but… don’t you MISS it?
Look. I only wore it the one time. And it served its purpose well. But, if we did this thing right, I’ll never need a wedding dress again. Missing it is kind of irrelevant. And keeping it, at least for me, is impractical.
Well what about the memories? You have all kinds of memories in that dress!
Yes, and that’s what photos are for. I find them to be more compact. And less poofy.
And your daughter! What if you have a daughter and she wants to wear that dress??
Okay… so I’m supposed to keep this dress hanging around on the chance that I produce a daughter or a slim cross-dressing son or even have a kid at all. Then, I’m supposed to push all of these expectations on her: She needs to be exactly the same size I was when I got married at 23; she better like the not-exactly-traditional style I picked 3-4 decades earlier and it better be a formal wedding, since this is a formal dress; oh, and she has to get married. Has to. That’s her only option in life. Because I’ll be damned if I paid to have this dress preserved and hanging around this 1,600 square foot house for over a quarter of a century just so my nonexistent daughter can go do something crazy like ignore my inadvertent wedding gown guilt trips and live her life the way she wants.
No way.
Well. You don’t have to be all snarky about it. I just don’t think that I would have the heart to do it. That’s all. I’m not cold and calloused and heartless as you.
Really? Because you’re the one keeping it locked away in a dark closet somewhere, and I’m the one who loved it and let it go — set it free to dance another night.
ewww! Kissy photo!
Okay. So a dress is an inanimate object, obviously, so don’t start feeling guilty if it’s locked in your closet. Especially if you’re super sentimental about it. There’s nothing wrong with that.
But that’s just it — I’m not the sentimental type. At least not when it comes to stuff.
I’m a purger. We do a massive gutting of our closets at least once per year, and with the exception of a few choice childhood mementos and reasonably sized wedding trinkets (like the Air Force garter hand-made by my mother-in-law), anything that sits untouched for a lengthy period of time that I know the chances of me needing again are slim to none, is a goner.
It just feels good.
Keeps me sane.
Like clearing out the junk from my closets is akin to chucking the mushy contents of my mind with an ice cream scoop and starting fresh. With a clean bowl.
And clearly my sanity is more important than a gown. A gown that, while I loved it, just as easily could have been a flowy white linen dress I wore standing on a beach at our destination wedding, had I gotten my way.
And you know what?
I probably wouldn’t have kept that one, either.
*All photos taken by Jeff Pope of Iconic Photography.
Comments
I hear you! You kept yours longer than me. I just had a white lace skirt suit and it went to the consignment store about 3 weeks after my wedding! I also did not dry and keep the flowers! We did do the freezing of the cake top and that was cool. Getting rid of stuff is definately good for the soul and the space in your house!
Cheers!
Oops, I guess I didn’t specify — I actually sold mine right after the wedding! It has definitely NOT been sitting in my closet all this time. :) I didn’t dry the flowers, either. And the cake? We did that, but I honestly don’t think it tasted very good a year later. Or maybe it was just the idea that we were eating year-old cake. :)
Good job. Call my wife, sell that dress too.
Haha, to each her own, I’m afraid… Though it would be REALLY cool to get kitchen demolition shots with her wearing it.
The last one is the best picture EVER! Definitely a good call on selling the dress, not only do I love your writing but I think sometimes we’re kindred spirits, I too love to purge my possessions every 6 months. It goes with the changes in weather– I even made the kids do it when they were little, they hated it, but I tried to promise them things like junky snacks and pizza as a reward. With the wedding industry so over the top, selling a dress is good for you AND for the recipient, a win-win in my book.
So glad to see I’m not alone in this! Though I have to say, I also think it’s super sweet and sentimental that Kat has that dress of her grandmother’s — I guess it just goes to show that women can be very different when it comes to what they want to hold on to. But that’s what makes us so awesome.
(We should start some kind of anti-hoarding movement. You in?) :)
LOVE the bathtub photo. And I’m in for your anti-hoarding movement too. For years I only had enough stuff to fit in one little wheelie suitcase. The fact that I have enough to fill an apartment now is a bit shocking to me and I find it very easy to get rid of stuff. I agree that it does feel like a soul clean-out every time I bring stuff to the Salvation Army.
Ugh, YES! I remember when I could fit all of my belongings into the back of the Tracker. Now I can fill the entire back with things just to donate to Goodwill — and my house still has so much STUFF! I’m honestly not sure how it happens. But I think it needs to stop. :)
See, the very practical mind in me completely agrees with this (though it sometimes conflicts with my sentimental side); however I definitely agree. The dress is worn once, using, get pictures and make some money back.
See, but I’m not completely lacking sentiment — I just have to narrow it down to tiny things like garters and photo albums — not giant hulking dresses. :)
Your thoughts about giving up the dress resemble mine about actually buying one… I still have a hard time thinking about spending so much money on just one day. Eloping wont happen (which speaks to your point about mothers imposing views on their daughters!) but I would love my future wedding to be as sustainable (environmentally) and cheaply done as possible. I’d rather spend that money on a long, fun, honeymoon.
You know, my friend Kat from Fieldwork in Stilettos was just interviewed by Good Morning, America as non-betrothed “bridezilla” because she bought a $12 wedding gown from a thrift store before she even had a boyfriend. What has this country come to when we’ve gotten so judgmental about something like that? Instead of calling her thrifty because she’s all too aware of the cost of weddings so she bought the perfect (used and affordable) dress when she saw it, we call her crazy. Buying it doesn’t mean she has to get married or doesn’t care who the groom might turn out to be — it just means she knows a bargain when she sees it. If she doesn’t get married, she’s out $12. If she does, she probably saved $788.
And you’re right — while I had a gorgeous wedding, I loved the honeymoon SO much more. But then, I’m a strange cat who wanted a destination wedding. And we all know how I feel about travel. ;)
{Sheepishly says} Mine is preserved in a box in my husband’s closet(What? Like I’m giving up my closet space for longterm storage.)
I just went to a christening a couple of weeks ago where the christening gown was made from the mother’s wedding dress. It was beautiful.
Love your wedding photos! The bathtub shot is one I wish my photographer had thought of. Thanks for sharing.
No need to be sheepish! Like I said, to each her own. I’m not that sentimental — which is probably also a reason I’m not a mom. I envy you and RHome for being able to balance everything you do! I just know I couldn’t handle it. I’m far too high strung. ;)
Maybe you could save yours for a one-day grand baby christening? :)
A one-day, a long time from now, grand baby christening maybe. 2 of my son’s 15 yr old friends are dating 17 yr olds and all I can hear when I look at them is, “Don’t have a grandson with a dog collar.” Talk of grandchildren is terrifying to me. I’m still hot mom for goodness sakes. I’m not ready for grammy talk.
Ha! Well if you did happen to become an early grandmother, at least you’d be a HOT grandmother. ;) (But let’s still hope that doesn’t happen.)
I have my dress in a box. It’s moved to 7 houses in the last 27 years. My shoes, too. Why? Because it was ‘supposed to,’ I guess? But I’ve definitely been 2nd guessing that dumb decision. I can’t even open it and look at it, because it would probably mess up the “hermetically sealed” seal the dry cleaners put on it for all that money they charged. I didn’t even really like it at the time. I mean it was the best of what was out there in 1985, but never ‘me’ with the puffy shoulders and stuff.
Our church does mission work in Haiti every year, and they gather up wedding dresses, because in that culture wedding dresses are a huge deal… like you don’t dare get married without an ostentatious white dress… even though so many there can’t afford anything, much less a wear-once dress. That’s where mine is going, because no one else wants an 80’s polyester taffeta and lace and sequined dress…especially my girls whom I’ve raised with more taste and individuality. ;-) –As if I can take the credit!
Now I have 2 more wedding dresses in my closet. My daughters haven’t decided they’re ready to part with theirs yet….
Ack! You can’t even look at it??!
Here’s my proposition: Take it out, have each one of your daughters try it on, snap a bunch of fun posed photos to post on the blog, and then send it to Haiti. I love the idea of sending it there where it will get loved and worn once again. :)
And P.S. You can take credit. ;)
Love this post/article! Last fall I cleaned out the daughters’ prom and homecoming dresses (with their approval) and looked at my wedding dress. Considered taking it to a resale shop witht the others. After all, when I remarried 11 years ago, I bought it at a second hand shop, it served me well and the previous owner made some money. So it was all good. I included it.
What I found amusing was my husband’s reaction – “You’re selling your WEDDING dress?”
He was okay with it, but the initial response was interesting to me because he’s not a very sentimental man. It all worked out and there’s one less dress hanging in the closet. Now, I must get to the rest of the clothes I’ve kept for 20 years. Even though I am glad I hung onto those stirrup pants/leggings…they are sort of coming back in style I think (even though I wear fllannel and sweats more often than not) in these winters of my discontent (cold weather, ugh!)
Spring is around the corner and the closets will be attacked and purged.
You’ve been an inspiration with your posts and thoughts. Always enjoy them.
Your husband was probably just surprised that you were getting rid of it because you’re a woman and you’re supposed to want to hang on to things like that forever and ever and ever. But all women are different! I think it’s awesome that your dress will get a THIRD shot at a fantastic day!
The rest of your post cracks me up because I hate clothes shopping. Hate it. Ergo, I still have a few things from *cough*highschool*cough* in my closet. I always joke by saying that I like to keep things until they come back in style. It puts me ahead of the fashion curve. ;)
Thanks for the kind words, Rebecca, and thanks for reading!
I am not sure i will ever get the chance to witness this dilemma myself but I see your case for selling it with the best point made is that with the best result happening you will never need one again…..and pictures do save the essence of the experience…but still…. i can understand the points on keeping it as well I guess you can say i am on the middle of the fence on this one, Great post Great pictures,
“few choice childhood mementos” ….. Like that envelope your waiting to open…. you have such awesome self control in that case
Ha! Honestly, I forget about the envelope until people remind me about it. ;)
Oh you look so beautiful :) I LOVE your dress!
Thank you!