Michael Wurm, who has an inspiring blog and is apparently one of the most followed people on Pinterest, posted something yesterday that made me feel better about myself.

literally, for like an entire second, I felt better about myself.

It’s a quote by someone named Rae Smith that says:

Never be afraid to fall apart, because it is an opportunity to rebuild yourself the way you wish you had been all along.

I feel like that’s me right now.

Or me for the past couple of years.

This thing — this thing that I’m doing/going through/putting the people I love through is a process.  First, we had the falling apart.  The realization that I wasn’t living my life the way I wanted to live it, and so I started taking the steps necessary to change.  I may have stumbled here and there, but for the most part, I feel like the changes were a step in the right direction.

No matter how crazy others thought I was.

No matter how crazy I sometimes think I was.  Because I have to remember that sometimes I would leave my cubicle, close myself into a bathroom stall, and sit there for 20 minutes to contemplate the meaning of my job.  My life.

Sometimes I would cry.  At work.  In a bathroom stall.

So when I think about how I miss the paycheck and my way-above-averagely-awesome co-workers, I have to remember the bathroom.

I have to remember the bathroom and the sense that if I stayed in that place (the job, not the bathroom) much longer, I might quite literally lose my mind.

Second, we have the rebuilding.  As with any major construction project, the process is a bit slower than I’d like, I’ll admit.  And some of the pieces keep falling off, which indicates that it may be time to invest in some better glue.

So when I find myself falling into the rut of my new job (new? I’ve been there since August), I have to remind myself of what it is that I’m really after and how this job can help get me there.  It’s home photography practice.  It’s writing practice and people skills.  It’s a portfolio-builder in many ways, and while there isn’t a lot of extra floating around, it helps pay the bills.

Photo I took for a house flyer.

It’s flexible, and for the most part, allows me time to work on other things.

I just need to force myself to do it.

By the way, I made it to the finals in a writing/photo contest to win a trip to India.  I believe that winners will be announced later this week.  And while I realistically understand that the guy who’s made it to the finals 4 times as opposed to my 1 time has a better shot, I’d like to keep it positive up in this mind.  You know… better glue.