Decisions Make Me Sweaty & Uncomfortable, So Here. You Decide.
So.
After my lovely little woe-is-me rant last week, I came to a couple of conclusions:
1) I have some re-vamping to do on this site; and
2) I may not have many readers, but I have the best readers. And since I’ve always been a quality over quantity kind of gal anyway, this suits me well.
While #2 can’t stand on its own, #1 may need some further explanation.
I’ve been struggling for a long time to define what I want to do with this site — which “direction” it should go, what topics I should write about, and why I should even call it “Domestiphobia” (aside from the fact that I like the word). And since any type of planning or goal setting tends to make me want to crawl into the smallest, safest closet of my house with a bottle of tequila, a pair of sunglasses, and N-Sync’s debut album circa 1997 and pretend that I’m 15 again (with an apparent alcohol abuse problem), I’ve so far managed to successfully treat it as no more than an online journal to archive the often insane and aimless way I’ve thus far stumbled through adulthood.
Retirement plan? Real job? Sense of achievement and self-satisfaction? That stuff’s for the Type As, I say, and let ’em keep it.
Except… it’s not.
I may be Domestiphobic, but I want these things: Love. Security. A safe place to lay my head.
I want them.
I do.
I just don’t want to achieve them in the conventional sense.
In fact.
Every node on every nerve ending of every sensory receptacle of my body is repulsed by the idea of a “normal” life.
There.
I said it.
The very idea of working a regular 9-5 to support someone else’s dream seems ludicrous. The thought that my basic needs can be met with a cable box and the latest Pottery Barn it’s-new-but-made-to-look-old overpriced dust collector is depressing. The notion that life, as I know it, can be washed down in a blink with a single dose of monotonous routine just so I can earn enough money to wake up at 60 (should I be so lucky) with the means and motivation to actually start enjoying it seems like a waste.
I want to enjoy it now.
And I think each of us has this dream, maybe deep down, that life can somehow be more.
And for me, it’s going to start with this blog.
It will take some time to reorganize, especially knowing me, but that’s okay.
In the meantime, I need to know about you. I tend to write a little about everything here — from travel experiences to home projects to dinner recipes and the deluded workings of my inner mind. I’m all over the place. And let’s be honest — that’s not likely to change. But I would like to get an idea of what you, my regular readers, enjoy the most. And maybe that will give me a sense of focus.
A bit of direction.
A safe place to lay my head.
Take the poll — it’s free and anonymous and will count for your good deed for the day. Also, it could make you intelligent and rich and sexy beyond your wildest dreams.
Probably not, but I’m sayin’ there’s a chance.
(You can choose more than one answer. Please be honest. This is only my life we’re talking about.)
Comments
I most like your blog because I find it very relatable. (Apparently not a real word, but you get me here, right?) You seem to view the world quite similar to how I do. And your panics are actually almost always in line with the kind of panics my husband has, so the way you describe them helps me understand those better too. I also just find you quite funny and witty.
My favourites of your posts are the ones about what’s going on in your head.
What?? Relatable isn’t a real word??
I can’t even read the rest of your comment because I’m flabbergasted.
Just kidding. Your comment made my morning. And I’m glad that it helps. And I love that you spell “favourites” with a “u” and your computer probably doesn’t try to correct it. Just another reason why I want to be Canadian.
Hate to burst your bubble, but my computer does have a bloody American spell-checker. I just choose to ignore it.
Lol really?? I bet there’s a setting you can change or something… :)
(And I really do wish I was Canadian — that would make travel to certain places SO much easier. Everybody likes Canadians.)
“…I want these things: Love. Security. A safe place to lay my head…I want them…I do…I just don’t want to achieve them in the conventional sense…In fact…Every node on every nerve ending of every sensory receptacle of my body is repulsed by the idea of a “normal” life…THE VERY IDEA OF WORKING A REGULAR 9-5 TO SUPPORT SOMEONE ELSE’S DREAM SEEMS LUDICROUS.”
THIS is why I feel I relate to you when we seem so unlike in many other aspects of our lives and beings. I feel this way, too. (I look at tellers at the bank and checkers at WalMart and think that if I had to get up early and get dressed up to go out of the house and do THAT, I’d want to discontinue living.) I think I really like to read how you think through things, and how you put into words thoughts I’m afraid to let out of my mouth… And can’t, because I have kids listening. ;-) I think I am more like you inside than anyone knows, and I get to live it a little through reading your blog… And it might be helping me get braver.
“And it might be helping me get braver.” <--- THAT. You have no idea how happy that makes me. That is what keeps me writing.
I loooove this post! I agree with everything you said!!!
Thank you, Andi!!
You are an amazing writer person and have a great blog just the way it is . I don’t think you need to change anything.
You’re still here! I thought maybe I lost you again. Which, honestly, is one of the reasons I was thinking I might be getting stale. :)
yea I’m still here. sorry me being quiet made you think otherwise… your in no way to even being close to the vicinity of stale
No worries! You’re allowed to be quiet — just check in every now and then so I know one of my longest-term readers is still around. ;)
I sort of voted for all of them…
Haha, I appreciate the vote(s). ;)
(I didn’t even know you really read this!)
I pop in here from time to time and get all caught up. I don’t read it every day, but it makes for great reading with my morning coffee.
Aw, thanks. :)