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What Started As A Lazy Post Actually Gave Me Insight Into My Own Complicated Mind. Huh.

So it turns out this whole going-into-business-for-yourself thing is a lot of work.

A whole lot of work.

And so is quitting a job where your employers don’t actually want to fully admit to themselves that you’re quitting so they give you all of your usual tasks plus someone to train plus a bunch of other things they want you to finish “before you leave” because they don’t really want to admit to themselves how awful work will be now that you’re not going to be there.

Appreciation’s a bitch sometimes.

Especially when it comes too late.

So I think it’s important for me to take a few minutes this morning to share with you — by way of appreciation — some of the blogs that I’ve been reading for years. I don’t connect to other bloggers enough, and also, I’m just too tired to come up with something especially coherent today. Also. I think it’s important to note that these bloggers are not regular readers of my blog. (At least, as far as I know.) That is intentional because I have a huge fear of making anyone feel bad or left out. Also, what I really want to share this morning are tidbits from people I’ve been reading for literally years. Not only could it expose you to some interesting reads, but it will give you a little further insight into this chaotic brain of mine.

Ready?

Nicole Is Better: A Life Less Bullshit

Recent Post I Enjoyed: The Ultimate Productivity Tool, A Formula for Happiness, and the Best Question You Could Ever Ask Yourself
Why I like her: She’s a few years younger than me, and a much more successful blogger, but I see a lot of myself in Nicole. She’s honest. Often brutally so. Her voice comes out better in writing than it does in person. (Not that she sounds bad in person. She doesn’t. She’s just… more confident in her writing.) She cusses like a sailor. The biggest difference between us is that Nicole knows how to set goals for herself and — get this — actually accomplish them. This is why I read her. To learn how to follow through with my crazy ideas. Also, she doesn’t drink. And she runs. And if there are 2 things I know will (likely) never happen in my life, they are, in this order: 1) I will stop drinking wine, and 2) I will start running. But good for her, you know?

Nothing But Bonfires

Recent Post I Enjoyed: Our Bathroom: Before and After
Why I like her: Basically, and I know this is going to make me sound a little stalker-ish, Holly is Part 1 of everything I want to be in the world. She’s classy, a prolific writer, works for the best company ever, has impeccable design sense, lives in San Francisco, and has a charming British accent. Her vacation photos are out of this world, and her relationship with her family (parents and siblings) seems to be what I would want for my family if I ever decided to have children. I’m sure her life isn’t perfect and is filled with conflicts and stresses just like everyone else, but still. This woman has it together. I’m pretty sure I’m on the right track because we both have scruffy, adorable husbands.

My Beautiful Adventures

Recent Post I Enjoyed: A Synchronistic Moment & A Friendly Reminder
Why I like her: Okay, I admit it. I’ve been reading Andi’s blog for less than a year. But I had to include her, because she’s probably Part 2 of everything I want to be in the world. She lives her life on her terms. She’s a travel writer. She heals people as a Chinese Medicine Doctor. (Not that I necessarily want to be a Chinese Medicine Doctor, but that does seem pretty cool.) She’s a travel writer. And basically, yes. Her life seems full of beautiful adventures. Plus, her travel photography is incredible. And she’s a travel writer. Oh, and to top it all off, she’s basically the nicest human on the planet. So. In short, there are worse people to whom to aspire.

Blunt Delivery

Recent Post I Enjoyed: Here’s How I Feel About Your Bucket List
Why I Like Her: Okay, I cheated on this one, too. The above is not a recent post. It’s actually from a year ago. While I have been reading Britteny’s blog for years, she has recently decided to neglect it in order to live her dream as a professional photographer. Whatever. I keep hoping she comes back (which she does every few months or so), because her blog is a very special blend of sardonic writing, creative photography, and a touch of thoughtful. She’s quirky and funny and very, very real. I can’t get enough. Do you hear me, Blunty? Come back! COME BACK!

This Battered Suitcase

Recent Post I Enjoyed: When Travelling Sucks (She’s Canadian. Hence the spelling. Silly Canadians.)
Why I like her: Basically, Brenna travels. All of the time. Her posts are like poetry, though sometimes she mixes in some practical advice as well. Her photos are addictive. I’m pretty sure I’ve read her entire blog, which officially makes me an internet stalker. Though really, she should consider herself lucky to have me since I’m pretty much the coolest stalker ever. You’re welcome, Brenna. You’re welcome.

Hmmm. I think I’m noticing a trend. All of these women have a knack for writing and/or photography. Most of them love to travel. All of them are all driven. Most are self-employed. Basically, if I had a chance to sit down and have a conversation with 5 people I’ve never before met, it would be these women. They’re inspiring. Creative. And they give me hope.

I honestly didn’t realize that until I completed the list.

Huh.

 

The Only Bullshitter I Can Bullshit is Apparently MySelf.

Well, it’s another Last of the Mondays for me.

I can’t believe it’s been over 2 years since I last quit my job to venture out into the world of self-employment.

It’s embarrassing to admit now, but I had high hopes. I had high, high hopes that all I needed to do was book a 2-month trip to Costa Rica, be my lovely, endearing self, and somehow — hopefully through this blog — the opportunity to become a travel writer would present itself.

Yeah, notsomuch.

What I learned the hard way is that self-employment — chasing the dream — takes actual work.

Who knew?

In fact, it’s so easy to sensationalize the idea of working for one’s self because of a single, obvious factor: YOU HAVE NO BOSS.

Turns out, though, that’s not true.

Not even a little.

Of course, YOU are your own boss.

And that’s fantastic, right?

Well, unfortunately, disciplining yourself is a hell of a lot harder than getting an earful from The Man, because all you really want to do is take pity on yourself and be patient and understanding and all of those things you got mad at your boss for not being when you were having a rough day. But then, your Self learns. It learns that you’re a crappy boss and a crappier disciplinarian and soon every day turns into a rough day, and before you know it, you’re unshowered Self is crashing your sofa at 2:00 in the afternoon eating Häagen-Dazs from the carton and singing along to My Fair Lady and, aside from feeling sorry for herself because she’s a big fat failure of a Self-starter, she’s really having a grand old time.

So this time, I’m prepared.

I’m prepared to be a badass boss because I’ve learned that the Self-deprecation that comes with mediocrity is so not worth an afternoon of ice cream and Audrey Hepburn.

Also.

There are the other bosses. The other bosses are the people who, as an independent contractor, will be hiring me to work for them. With the other bosses will come a whole new slew of demands and expectations, and the only choice for me will be to meet them, head-on, because if I don’t, the only person who can take the blame is ME.

And I’m tired of letting people down.

Most of all, me.

So.

This time, I’m doing myself a favor, packing a duffel bag full of all of the bullshit I fed myself 2 years ago, and sending it into space with the power of a hundred thousand helium balloons.

(You’ve heard there’s a helium shortage, right? Yeah. That was me.)

This is my last Monday. And hopefully, my last of my last Mondays. This is my last week of earning a paycheck just because I show up.

The last time I pack my lunch in tupperware.

The last time I roll my eyes at a request from my boss because my new boss, I hear, is unriddled by bullshit and in no mood to play.

This is life, after all, and we can coast on through making excuses for getting caught in the momentum of mediocrity, or we can really try.

The only thing ever really holding us back is the paralyzing fear of failure. That thing that makes us start and quit and start and quit again.

But. I’ve finally realized.

I would rather fail — I would rather fail so inconsolably and publicly hard — than continue to be the girl who just quits all the time. The girl who’s addicted to the bottom of the ladder. The girl who says soon — mañana — I will do what I know I was born to do.

Because. With 2 years of tomorrows behind me, I’m no closer to reaching my goals. Failure, at this point, would be a relief next to not even trying. The limbo I’ve been living. The bullshit that’s made me metaphorically fat and lazy and full of excuses.

I don’t want to be that person.

So.

I stop today.

It is, after all, the Last of the Last of the Mondays.