So.

The budget — and I use the term “budget” very loosely — for this kitchen has been stretched tighter than the belly skin I burned at the beach yesterday.

(I’m really bad at similes.)

(Also, if you follow on Facebook or Instagram, you’ll already know that I blew off the monotony of cabinet painting for a little exploratory beach bummin’ on the north side of the peninsula because a friend — an actual friend! — invited me, and hey. When one of your two whole friends in a place invites you to do something, you do it.

Worth it.)

And because the “budget” (seriously, I can’t type that without choking back a laugh) has been effectively obliterated, I’m not above using my blogging prowess to get ahead in this world. So when I found this faucet that I really, really, really wanted but realized the retail cost would set me back more than a few chai lattes during ritual Target runs, I wrote the company and begged calmly asked them to send me one so I could review it on Domestiphobia.

AND GUESS WHAT, GUYS.

Meet the newest member of our family, the Pfister Zuri Culinary Faucet in stainless steel.

“Whoa. That is a beast!” my plumber exclaimed as he lifted the gleaming, nearly 2-foot body from her cardboard encasement. My grin was uncontainable. While Justin’s kitchen priorities were to have a gas range and apparently the absolute biggest refrigerator he could find, I knew I wanted a commercial kitchen style faucet. I loved the ol’ pull-down in our last house, but there was just something about the idea of Zuri’s seductive coils peeking up over the pass-through into our sunroom that had me fantasizing about her industrial charm.

And we all know I dig that industrial look.

Although Justin probably could have handled the installation, I hired a plumber because Justin’s still out-of-town, and I didn’t want to wait a month to have running water in the kitchen. Call me crazy. For one even crazier minute I thought about tackling the task myself, but then I thought, WOOD FLOORS and slapped myself in the face.

I mean to me, this is the Lamborghini of faucets. Installing it myself would be like fixing an engine with a set of plastic children’s tools. Plus, Mike hooked up my drains and garbage disposal, neither of which I likely would’ve been able to do without causing massive flood damage to our new wood floors.

(Note the basil plant. This was before I massacred it in the name of garlic basil cream sauce.)

My plumber Mike, by the way, of Smitty’s Plumbing is wonderful. He works with his father and they’ve pretty much been in the game their entire lives. He didn’t know I blogged until I started taking pictures of him, and I did not take a discount to promote him here. Nonetheless, his contact information is at the bottom of this post because he’s Just. That. Awesome.

But back to my ladybeast of a faucet.

She’s a beast because she’s hardcore, guys. But she’s also a lady because of her gracious curves.

In short, this is one sexy faucet.

In length, it all comes down to functionality:

1) I can swing her 360-degrees to water plants on the sunroom ledge.

2) The spiral spring allows me to pull her closer to whatever I’m cleaning.

3) The docking bridge “catches” the head of the faucet when I’m done using it.

4) The handle stays at whatever temperature I last left it and is easy to adjust with one hand.

5) Buttons!!

When I turn the faucet on, it’s a single stream:

Then I can press the bottom button with one finger, and the single stream turns to a spray:

I can also hold the top button to “pause” the spray or stream:

And when I let go, it’s back to a stream:

AND I CAN’T STOP PRESSING THE BUTTONS.

When I hinted that I’d gotten an industrial-style faucet on Facebook, some of you expressed concern about the coils. You were worried that food or other crud would get into them, and therefore this might not be a practical choice.

And I can say with all honesty that I really don’t foresee that as being an issue. Like I said, this faucet is 2 feet tall — almost 3 feet above the base of the sink!

If I’m splattering food that high, I have bigger problems.

Plus, I never had an issue with food splattering up on my old pull-down faucet, so I don’t think it will be a concern with this one. I WILL have to make sure to keep it dusted, though.

But the coils are so purty, it’s totally worth it.

I only have two things I would change about this faucet:

1) It would be nice to be able to pull it down even further into the sink. But since there’s no extra hose hanging beneath the counter like a pull-down faucet, I’m limited to how far I can stretch the spring.

2) I love the “pause” button — it’s actually more useful than I’d thought it would be. But I don’t love that if I have the faucet in “spray” mode, the pause button causes it to revert back to a single stream.

Overall, though, I’m thrilled with this choice.

It will look even better once I have a backsplash and… you know… finished walls.

I know it’s not everyone’s style, but I think it will be a great balance across the room from our heavy-duty gas range and ginormous manbeast of a refrigerator, which I have yet to make magically move from the sunroom to its proper place in the kitchen.

Any questions?

Special thanks to Pfister for sending me this faucet for review. Per our agreement all opinions are, rest assured, entirely my own.