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Contemplating Waves

A jet plane and a big idea
I jump over the sea
What ifs hot on my trail
But that can’t catch me, no…
  

-Avett Brothers  

Don’t worry kids, even with all of this Costa Rica talk, I’ll still continue to post about some of our house projects and my attempts to cook.  It seems like so long ago that I showed you our crime-scene guest bathroom, and I haven’t forgotten that I still need to show you how it turned out.  

In case you forgot, the last time I showed it, it looked like this:  

Kate's Guest Bathroom Crime Scene

  

But since this Costa Rica thing is currently still so fresh – so mind-numbingly, eye-openly, heart-palpitatingly new and exciting, I can’t help but talk about it a little more.  

First, let me just say that the hardest thing about going to work when you know you want to quit, is going to work when you already have quit.  The gray cubicle walls seem a little… grayer… and the harsh neon lighting seems a little… neonier.  It’s like the last couple weeks of a prison sentence.  Except with coffee breaks and I don’t have to worry about my co-workers shanking me on my way to the bathroom.  Usually.  

The interesting thing about going back to work after making such an announcement are the slew of questions that follow.  And the questions with their associated reactions to my answers are different depending on who’s asking:  

  • So you’re leaving here to go work on a farm?  For free?!
  • What does your husband think?
  • Why??
  • Can I come with you?
  • A farm?  Working for free?  REALLY??!
  • What will you do when you get back?
  • So like… aren’t you afraid you’re going to get raped?
  • Isn’t it going to be hot there?

And my personal favorite…  

  • What are you trying to accomplish by doing this?

And my answers are:  

  • Yes
  • Why do you care?  (He’s supportive, by the way.)
  • The heart wants what it wants.
  • Do you want to work on a farm?  No?  Then no.
  • Yes.  Yes.  Yes.
  • I have no clue.
  • Always.
  • I ain’t afraid of a little sweat.
  • I realize an existential heightening of awareness and enlightened state of mind along with the final, clear realization of what I’m supposed to be doing with my life might be a bit too much to ask out of this trip.  So let’s just say I want to do something fun.  I want to meet new and interesting people.  I want to experience life for a moment unchained by the conventional constraints that have me constantly worrying about the future.  I want to see the sights today. Smell the smells today. Taste the tastes, hear the music, and walk the trails that don’t have to take me anywhere other than where they actually go.

Seriously, guys.  I know to 70% of you this sounds irrational.  And the other 30% tell me they want to do this as well, but it’s not the right time, those loans still need to be paid, they need me right now at work, and on and on and on.  

And on.  

So if you still think we’re crazy or need a better explanation for why we’re doing what we’re doing, please read this.  It should make it a bit more clear.  

And remember that I defied death to take this:  

  

And Erin and I have both done this:  

Skydive Hawaii

  

Oh, and Erin has a BIG tattoo:  

  

So maybe we are a little crazy.  But only a little.  

And I will tell you this – it’s never a good time to quit work.  It’s never a good time to be selfish.  It will always conflict with somebody’s schedule, somebody’s budget, somebody’s feelings.  

A very good friend of mine, Christy Lowery, wrote this:  

“Closing ear to the voices that call,
Would be as seeds of adventure unsown.
Heed not the doubts, feed not the fears
For they will surely blind your path.
Spirit yearning for freedom is your driver now.
Let it take you where it may.
”  

So take all of your questions and turn them back on yourself.  There is a consequence to every decision we make.  If you’re happy with your life, if you are content with your job, then there is no question for you.  But if you long to do something else, then what’s stopping you?  It’s only fear.  But as wise old Amazon book reviewer once told me, “Fearlessness is only attained on the moving side of action.”  

You could stand around and contemplate the waves…  

Heather Brown Print
(Click photo for link to artist's website)

 

Or you could just jump on in.  

I’m tired of contemplating waves.  

Photo by: Leah B Photography (click photo for link)

 

In the end, we all have to make our own choices and take our own risks.  

Find the quotes, song lyrics, or other inspirations that work for you.  Of all the ones I posted here, this one was the table-turner for me:  

“It is never too early to start beefing up your obituary.”  – Dos Equis commercial.  

‘Nuff said.

Katie

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Comments

Duck
Reply

Another freakin’ home-run. This isn’t the chick-lit contemplative bull-hockey (I find that expression to be on the far edge of sanity; the skating alone would be nigh impossible for quadrupeds, let alone wielding a stick to effectively utilize the puck in a scoring capacity) one might expect from this type of forum. This site is a far cry from the diary-based, “look what the calendar-cat dragged up from my emotional basement.” When you can make me laugh and pursue my own goals while sitting at my soul-pummeling job, you’ve got a good formula. Thanks for giving me something fun to look forward to, as the mood strikes you.

Katie
Reply

Haha, thanks!

But about the bull-hockey… I don’t think you should assume they can’t skate just because they have 4 legs – in fact, they might be far superior skaters to us bipeds. And they don’t need sticks – they have horns.

:)

Stacy
Reply

I heart you! Neonier is my new favorite word!!! You’ve embraced the line, “Decide what to be, and go be it!”

Katie
Reply

I’ve tried to embrace the line, but I still haven’t decided what to be. ;)

Kelly@TearingUpHouses
Reply

The only person who warrants an explanation is yourself and your husband.

I think you’re wise not to expect too much from a trip. Along those lines, personally, I found what I was SUPPOSED to be doing with my life when I did what NEEDED to be done to have the kind of life that I wanted to live. And what that meant has completely changed over the last ten years. Does that make sense?

Kelly

p.s. Thanks for the link, lady. :)

Katie
Reply

Kelly, that makes perfect sense. And the strange thing is, I feel like I need this. Not necessarily Costa Rica or farm work per se… those are things I happened upon (or happened upon me) – but there’s just some inherent need in me right now to do something, ya know? Maybe, at the very least, I’ll learn a bit more about the kind of life I think I want to live.

No problem on the link – thanks for the inspiration. :)

Marisa Wikramanayake
Reply

Damn it, Katie! you are a far better writer than I am! *is now sulking in Perth*

And yes you must do such things. I’ve done crazy things too: left uni, gone freelance, travelled alone and right now I am shunning everything to balance a MA and writing a book instead of hiding out in a full time job.

Katie
Reply

You know that’s not true – I’m only a slightly better writer than you. ;) Just kidding!! I’ve always admired your writing and bravery, Marisa – maybe you’ll have a long-distance position open for me in your editing business when I get back from CR and still have no clue what I’m supposed to do with my life!

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